Sometimes, I just can't breathe. It is usually because I forget to breathe. It seems natural enough to you. However, for me it's the opposite. Which is my main problem.
I do things in opposite fashion. For instance; when I meet someone for the first time I want to tell them everything. How my parents met, what became of them, all the schools I went to, my lost hopes and dreams...EVERYTHING. I have to fight this urge. Most people are content with others not knowing their past. I'll take it a step further and say that most people prefer others not knowing their past.
In my minds eye it makes sense to know up front every one's history (I don't believe that crap about...if you know everything up front you have nothing to look forward to, and if that's true then everyone is sad and boring!). Unintended to bore, frighten or turn them off; no, just the opposite...I want them to feel welcome in my world. To know me, and why I am the way I am. To feel safe with me. That they can trust me. That I am the friend that they can call to watch their dog, or pick them up at odd ungodly hours from the airport, cook them a steak dinner on a moments notice because the just lost their job, to pray with them for anything at any hour.
People have always said that I am easy to get to know and like. Now...that's not to say everyone loves me! Oh no...I am overwhelming, climactic, high strung, loud, obnoxious, funny, cunning, way too much at the most inopportune times, insanely goofy, and it takes special people to love me. As scary as I just described myself I am totally easy to love, in that I adore making people laugh, feel good about themselves, cooking and entertaining, loyal to a fault, always there for whoever needs a shoulder or ear, an encourager, strong for whoever needs me to be for them, caring deeply, and loving madly!
I am in a rush for people to know me, so I can hurry up and be their friend. Can you see now how I forget to breathe?
No comments:
Post a Comment